PIN IT

12/01/2009

Tiger Woods Press Release

Tiger you are truly blessed. You made it as the World's greatest golfer. The problem with being at the top in America is: everyone wants to see you fail. Maybe we all know that marriage is hard and success never comes easy but leave it to me, I will now run the true story press release on your behalf. This will get all the snoopers off your back better than your handler's camp advice to use the "no comment."

My wife and I were fighting. OK. If you go to the grocery store and see the trash rags with pictures of your husband having an affair, the media hounds sleep on your driveway waiting for you to make a mistake, and everywhere you go there is no peace... "just give a guy a break." That's what I told her that night.

It didn't go over very well and at 2:25 AM I just had enough of the pointing with that well manicured finger. So I try and sneak out but she goes and throws a nine iron at the back of my Cadillac. This would piss off any gentleman. So instead of breaking, I hit the accelerator in a rush of adrenalin.

Happy America? Does it make you feel sorry for my children who slept cozy in their beds and never heard the fight? And if I was going to have an affair, it will be with some super model OK?

No comments:

Post a Comment